Fly American from Baltimore to Raleigh

Flight enthusiasts, frequent flyers and runway runway frequenters, lend me your ears (or should I say, your "air"?) If you're planning on embarking from the delightful cesspool of excitement that is Baltimore MD and soaring through the clouds to the exhilarating wilds of, wait for it... Raleigh, MD, you are in for what some would call a journey of epic and mind-boggling proportions!

First off, bargain-hunters beware, I have some truly shocking news to share. It seems that our beloved 'happy-dollar' airlines have evolved — perhaps too much? The term "cheap flights" has been all but relegated to the museum of extinct creatures, along with the Dodo and affordable housing. Shocking, I know. But fear not, amigos! Isn't the joy of the journey more about the adventure than about the hole left in your pocket?

Are you one of those globe-trotting mavericks who thrill in the chase of "last-minute flights", that adrenaline-pumping, anxiety-inducing quest for tickets just hours before takeoff? Well, my friends, it's high-time we adopted the mantra of our East-Asian brothers and practice a little mindfulness. Our so-called "flight deals" are mythical creatures, more elusive than Bigfoot itself! So why the nerve-racking rush?

My fellow travelers, I'm sure you've all encountered the tempting lure of the "non-stop" or "direct flights" sirens. But hear this - flying direct is as exciting as watching grass grow! Where's the theatre? The drama of the meticulously planned layover, the subtle dance of the "connecting flights"? Ah, that's a performance I'd rather watch than the most highly recommended airline inflight movie.

Now, before some of you "domestic flights" travelers raise the pitchforks, I assure you I am not dismissive of your bread and butter. You, fine folks, are the backbone of our industrious society, as you tour the magnificent geographical oddity that is Baltimore. This is merely a friendly wiggle of my finger at the airlines for commodifying our cherished traveling experiences.

Now, brace yourself for yet another lightning bolt of truth. Flight times, or "flight duration" as the highbrow like to call it, are inflated faster than a politician's ego in election season. Any chance of keeping that predictable schedule? You might as well believe in unicorns. Our esteemed airlines never fail to squeeze as much 'extra time' from our trip as possible, making us question our understanding of Einstein's theory of relativity.

Sure, we lesser mortals in "Economy Class" may feel oppressed, sandwiched and sardined. However, let it be known that the realm of the "First-class" is not all bubbly and rainbows either. A constant barrage of gourmet food, mind-numbingly comfortable seats, and the unbearable politeness of the cabin crew – an experience as thrilling as a dental cleaning.

All the while, remember to keep an eagle's eye on your "Baggage Allowance". If you’re not careful, you might end up trading your carefully packed suitcase for a handful of magic beans. And God forbid if you have to face the wrath of the infamous "flight cancellation policy"! Like a kid who has had his candy swiped, you might end up woefully contemplating the dregs of your dream vacation.

So, flock together my feathered friends, bids farewell to Baltimore and goes forth to Raleigh MD. Enjoy the waltz with your airline, remember to chuckle at the absurdities, and savor the kaleidoscope of ridiculousness that is air travel. Here's to believing in the journey, rather than the destination. Safe travels!