Fly American from Bismarck to Denver

Oh, the grand adventure of schlepping from Bismarck, ND to Denver, ND--a hero's tale worthy of Homeric verse if there ever was one. But before we can delve into such an epic journey, we must bust some myths shrouding the cryptic world of air travel.

First on the chopping block: the notion that "cheap flights" are the stuff of urban legends, as elusive as Bigfoot frolicking in a field of four-leaf clovers. I laugh in the face of such skepticism! Don your detective hat, channel your inner Sherlock, and join me, dear reader, as we uncover the elusive bargain in the vast digital abyss.

Paired with a bit of foresight and flexability, you can potentially bag a reasonably priced "round-trip" ticket. The keys here are not only knowing where to look, but also understanding when it’s the "best time to book".

Your appetite for 'saving a buck' might turn you towards "one-way" or "connecting flights", but navigate with caution. Sure, they might sometimes come out cheaper, but my dear, you might be chasing a false economy. Factor in the not so insignificant 'pain and suffering' tax levied by the travel Gods on every layover. Are you ready to endure the fluorescent glow of an airport in a perpetual state of "layover" at 3 am in a terminal echoing with the cacophony of squawking babies, combined with the lingering scent of stale pretzels? If not, perhaps "direct flights" might be your true calling. They come with a slightly heftier price tag but are a saner and simpler solution.

Fly too close to the sun with "last-minute flights", you may find yourself up the proverbial creek sans paddle (yes, that's a snooty reference to Peter Pan and his relentless quest for adventure). Such flights are not a miracle cure-all for booked-solid schedules or procrastination. Plus, they're like Russian roulette, not always culminating in victory, and you might end up not flying at all, or trading in your left kidney for an "economy class" ticket.

Now, finally, imagine grabbing a "flight deal" sans any catches, boasting the sweetest "airfare" your wallet has seen! How do you do it, you wonder? Let me let you in on a secret, my friend—the "frequent flyer" program and the underrated "mileage program". These are your keys to the kingdom, bestowing upon you a golden aura that makes airlines more pliable to your needs, and gate agents more susceptible to your charm offensive.

Done right, you can turn your frequent flyer points into a magical boarding pass, transporting you to higher realms— "first-class" or "business class", where even the slightest whims are catered to with a smile and passengers are anointed with champagne (or sparkling water, if you're setting sail on dry January).

We have navigated the stormy seas of flight booking; now let’s touch upon "baggage allowance". A free-for-all, it is not. Airlines, my dear, are not running a garage sale, and their belly isn't an unlimited space for myriad suitcases containing Aunt Mabel's homemade pickles for your distant cousin's wedding. Do review the baggage policy and strive for the monk-like simplicity of travel: pack light, pack smart.

Finally, what gusto would this odyssey have without the sizzle of anticipation? With an eternally changing "flight schedule", there is always a hint of surprise lingering. The primal and unpredictable thrill like opening a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get.

In conclusion, fly, my friend, from Bismarck to Denver, and may your journey be free of hiccups and overflowing with laughter. For in the end, it's not the destination, but the journey, and especially the airline, that counts!