Fly American from Chattanooga to Denver

Humorous as it may sound, Chattanooga, the charming city with the sing-song name, is considering itself mount-challenged ever since residents and tourists alike developed a fascination for the cinch-of-the-belt larger and frankly, more intimidating Rocky Mountains. Multiple surveys may or may not have confirmed this—it's difficult to say. But we've noticed an increase in demand for flights from Chattanooga to Denver. Alas, those pesky direct flights seem to have taken a proverbial hike down the Applachian trail.

Do not despair, freeloading frequent flyer, you can still make the transition from the modest pebbles of Lookout Mountain to the adolescent boulders of Colorado. It’s just going to take a short hop to Charlotte or Dallas first. We did say short... because comparatively, anything’s shorter than a non-stop cross-country journey, right? Besides, what is an additional two hours once you’ve made the commitment to fly?

We know! You're thinking, “Only a goblin who's hiking the Smoky Mountains would consider this affordable." But trust us, there's a quirky charm to these economy-class connecting flights. Something that the bourgeoisie in their first-class suites will never appreciate.

Have no fear, you aren't being served up for alien abduction in mid-flight. That whimsical detour to an unrelated city comes complete with extra delightful layover minutes to discover charming airport cafes and boutiques. Undoubtedly, a unique sub-culture that deserves its own anthropological study.

In this era where airfare costs are gradually trying to surpass Bitcoin, one-way, round-trip, it doesn’t matter. Cheap flights are about as elusive as an armadillo in Alaska. Yet, in befuddling bureaucracy only airlines could muster, somehow the round-trip airfare will only cost you a few peanuts more. How's that for a paradox?

Clearly, the intrigue doesn't end when you book, it’s just getting started—the drama of the baggage allowance. Sure, you can pack like you’re changing continents, but the price tag on over-weight luggage might leave you needing a second mortgage. So be mindful, pack only what you need, essentials like your sunblock, thermal blanket, hiking boots, disco clothes, personality enhancers-- you get the picture.

Here’s some insider knowledge, just between us. The best time to book your flight depends largely on the position of the second hand on your watch. And in keeping with the theme of ‘more is always better’, the more minutes that hand completes an Olympic circuit, the better. Or, if you’re one for algorithmic alchemy, trusting obscure flight deal websites that somehow offer prices even the airlines seem surprised at.

Now, some like to pepper their air travel with a dash of adrenaline. If you're a thrill-seeker, how about an impromptu red-eye flight, or better yet, take a last-minute flight that sends your heart racing faster than the airplane? Be warned, it does require rather strong nerves and a solid stock of stomach soothers.

Finally, the bane and benefit of the transiting passenger—flight cancellation policy. We can’t help but feel airlines are mocking us when they clap their hands in feigned despair, “Oh no such a shame your flight was canceled, here’s a ticket for three days later, oh and here’s a coupon to our overpriced gift shop”. So, before booking, it’s wise to thoroughly read through the multiple pages of legalese (or hire a lawyer) to decode the terms of cancellation.

Safe travels, fellow wanderers! For those left feeling trepid about their voyage, fret not, you’re merely an unwitting participant in the grand theater of air travel. Always remember, it’s the journey not the destination, except when you’re on a 12-hour long haul, then it’s definitely about the destination.