Fly American from Harrisburg to San Diego

Ladies and gentlemen, prepare your oxygen masks and strap on your parachutes as we embark on a whimsically satirical journey of witty wanderlusting. Today, we're going to take a metaphorical flight through the exhilarating experience of potential passengers, bravely boarding a gleaming tube of metal, bound from the historically steamy city of Harrisburg, home to ‘Nell’s Diner’, a destination known worldwide for cooking eggs ‘just right’ and folks wearing dungarees, to San Diego, the well known mecca of craft beer enthusiasts and folks that enjoy labeling every object around them with the word “artisanal.”

A ride from Harrisburg to San Diego on American Airlines is a sensual spectacle that, much like a minimalist art exhibit at a pop up gallery underneath a hot dog stand, absolutely qualifies as a mixed bag. One might opt for flights' reasonably restrained airfare, which can sometimes feel like Turkey's love towards pickles: economical, and yet vividly passionate. The direct flights can quite accurately be compared to a posh dinner party where you're compelled to pretend you like blue cheese - their frequent flyer program keeps force feeding you those unwanted mileage hors d'oeuvres. Believe it or not, these are exclamations you'll make-committing a tooth-and-nail fight for the armrest against a bodybuilder knitting a scarf.

Shall we then take a peek into the world of economy class versus first-class, my friends? Hast thou not felt the lusciousness of economy class's meager legroom - a crouched haven similar to an origami crane folded by an over-curious chimp? But lay your gaze on the expanse of first-class, dear traveler. The sprawl of space and spiffy service quite like reigning over a fictitious kingdom where the peasants dutifully bring you hot towels and complimentary champagne.

Now with your elected choice of air-bound ascendancy decided, folks, let's discuss layovers. Ah, layovers! A cheerier word for cruel hazing for the unwary traveler. Yet travelers may make it through this time of trial, proving to the world they’re capable of spending extensive periods in spaces that seem to have been designed by someone that watched Alice in Wonderland one too many times and then decided to quit their day job.

Attempting to navigate the sprawling labyrinth of a hub airport, - with the hospital-like gleam and the occasional pastel carpeting that reflects an interesting aesthetic choice - it becomes eerily reminiscent of Harry Potter searching for the Philosopher's stone through various dangerous tasks. Once you’ve navigated through the 3rd ring of Hades, fought off the siren’s call of overpriced fast food and acquired a caffeinated beverage only slightly less expensive than your first car, you can breathe a sigh of relief before strapping in for round two of this action-packed event.

And thus, with your ticket firmly clutched, almost lost three times, and your carry-on baggage chock-full of dreams – and snacks procured at an outrageous airport boutique price equivalent to small plots of land - you can be seated, prepared to partake once again in the splendid airborne charade. The pings, dings, and air hostess announcements will guide you through takeoff, painted with the incomparable pleasure of the in-flight services – a microwave meal that bears a striking resemblance to last year’s Thanksgiving dinner and a puzzling crew safety demonstration that feels like a gritty reboot of an interpretive dance.

To the brave adventurers who have made this flight before and lived to tell the tale through slightly choked sobs, we salute you. To the newcomers, we wish you the very best and open arms on your arrival. Remember, on an American Airlines flight from Harrisburg to San Diego, the journey is the real destination, the riveting narrative you’ll soon wish to forget.