Fly American from Los Angeles to Niagara Falls

Listen closely, dear traveler. If there were a Nobel Prize for suffering, the first prize would undoubtedly go to the brave souls who take the journey from Los Angeles, California's blessed palm trees and sunshine, courting an emotional whirlwind that resembles seeing your childhood dog for the first time... but grouped with jet lag and recycled air. Here begins the epic (mis)adventure, with our main antagonist, disguised ambiguously as 'flights' to Niagara Falls.

The story often unfolds like this: You awaken, with a brave heart and a 'one-way' ticket (that rhymes perfectly with dismay), ready to confront the inexplicably designed labyrinth we lovingly call LAX. The airfare, that once seemed like a good joke to your bank account, suddenly dons the hat of the executioner. Yet you laugh, because, dear beings, irony is cheaper than therapy.

Brace yourselves, as I take you on a 'non-stop' chronicle of airborne cauldrons of humanity. Fear not! We shall leave no stone unturned - from low-cost 'economy class' mockery, to the audaciously priced 'first-class' rip-offs. Pause for a bit. Feel the flavor of the seemingly regal, yet astoundingly unwelcoming 'business class'. If only the 'in-flight services' were as high up as their ambitions of levitating above the clouds.

But the saga does not end here. Just when you think the ‘flight duration’ is but a mere number, and you are almost half-way through the formidable and highly unnecessary ‘connecting flights’, behold! The curtain raises revealing the inside story of the famed ‘baggage allowance’. It's a fascinating world where additional weight costs more than buying a diamond encrusted pet elephant. It’s not simple arithmetic, my friend. It’s a horrifyingly funny display by airlines of their staggering understanding of the principles of economics and gravity!

Let's move on to slightly less ridden paths - the 'frequent flyer' program. Picture this, my friends - you earn points for every foot you cover while sagely throwing money into the deep abyss of flight sales. And then, in the distant future, when you've accumulated enough miles to trip half-way around the earth, you could maybe, just maybe, get a cup of lukewarm coffee, or a last-minute 'flight deal' to a neighborly city you never wanted to visit. Remarkable indeed!

To those who dare to say this is a slice of sarcasm, I thrust upon thee, the 'flight cancellation policy'. Do you have games on your phone, good reader? I suggest you bring ample, for the amount of time you will spend on the phone, explaining your plight to a symphony of hold music, could qualify you as a professional gamer. Like all great narratives, the climax is a marvelously envisioned tower of paperwork and unreasonably long waiting periods.

So, dear traveler, as the sun sets over the land of countless ‘airline reviews’, remember this piece of momentous narration. Laugh at my wordy wisdom, or dwell in its piercing satire, the choice is yours. But, make no mistake, I do offer my humblest condolences for your upcoming flight. Los Angeles - Niagara Falls, break a leg!

Now, if you would kindly excuse me, I have an energetic call to answer to a flight operator who is eagerly waiting to explain that the 'best time to book' was not in the midst of a pandemic. Who would've guessed!