Fly American from Memphis to San Diego

So, my fellow globetrotters, you're planning on dropping the blues of Memphis, Tennessee, and coasting all the way to the sunny San Diego, eh? Well, strap yourself in, because I’m about to decode one of the arcane arts of traveling: charting an avian route from the Corked Bat to the Whales Vagina. And by the way, don't Google that last bit. Just trust me.

Now, imagine, if you will, a magical aluminum tube called “Flights.” No, really, this isn't a passing wind gag. These ‘flights’ will whisk you to San Diego with the same ease as following the yellow brick road, only in this case, the man behind the curtain might also give you free tiny cans of soda.

Your airfare on American, Delta or Southwest? Oh, it’s bound to feel pricier than a signed Elvis vinyl, but fear not! With a little savvy, some carefully crafted web searches, and a splash of stubborn optimism, you can stumble upon those elusive "cheap flight" deals. You can then cackle with glee as you imagine the CEOs of these gallant airlines weeping over the minute fraction of profit they've lost to your cunning tactics.

If you're fearless and born with a desire for adventure, or just really bad at remembering time zones, take a red-eye flight. Let me tell you, it’s an exquisite joy to behold a sunset from 35,000 feet while gorging on pretzels the size of an Alabama gnat.

Of course, you have the option of Direct flights, One-way, or Round-trip. It's like a deli menu – but instead of getting a delicious sandwich, you're served a lifetime memory of arriving in a brand-new city with the same enthusiasm that Columbus probably felt when he found India…um…America.

And let's not ignore those connecting flights. Good ol’ layovers – the equivalent of an awkward third date. You and your significant airport are stuck with each other for a few hours, not quite sure what to do. Do you explore the Terminal, treat yourself to a $6 bottle of water, or test your body's limits with an impromptu Airport Olympics? Oh, the choices...

Now, let's talk, Business class or Economy class? Airways, as it turns out, have a peculiar idea about socio-economic hierarchies. The passageway to your seat looks like a walk of shame if you're in the latter. There they are, the Business Class moguls, reclining in their spacious seats, sipping their complimentary champagne. In the meantime, you, dear “economy” traveler, saunter past them, bracing yourself for the game of elbow-war that ensues in those lovingly compact rows.

Ah, baggage allowance. It’s an enigma more complex than trying to understand FAQ 45 in the flight cancellation policy, or the plot of 'Inception'. Is it 50 pounds or 25 pounds? How much money would they extort if you dared to bring an extra pair of socks? Could you instead wear three sweaters and two pairs of jeans? Should you give up and just ship your summer wardrobe instead?

So, in conclusion, my wayfaring friends, your journey from the land of the Delta Blues to the sunshine of SoCal needn't be a humdrum affair. Arm yourselves with a bit of wit, a dash of humor, and the knowledge dropped herein, and you're all set to fly high. Happy flying!