Fly American from Missoula to St. Louis

My dear thrifty adventurers, thrill-seekers, and unsuspecting tourists - might I nudge you gently towards becoming a temporary Montana resident? Breathe heartily from our vault of crisp, mountain oxygen, and tip your cowboy hat towards the western skyline. If so enticed by our quaint charms, you may find yourself contemplating that inevitable rite of passage, the quintessential American journey: a flight from Missoula, MT to St. Louis, MT. A must-have we clutch onto fervidly, despite the universe’s feeble attempts to scare us away with exorbitant airfare and the possibility of losing our beloved luggage.

The term 'direct flights' designed by the airlines shares a similar irony to that of diet soda. The earnest traveller may be excused for thinking that 'direct' infers a lack of deviations, layovers, and delays - a swift flight, non-stop. For, in truth, direct flights often feature an interlude in an appetizing city you've no interest in. They're akin to stopping off at a cousin's wedding when you're in the middle of running from a bear. Congratulations cousin Pam, I would love to stay, but I really ought to be going. In this instance, however, your bear is St. Louis, MT, and you're just going to have to accept your familial obligations en route.

There are one-way and round-trip tickets, of course. And let us not dare whisper but mention in full voice the red-eye flight, a nocturnal adventurer's paradise. Oh, the sweet appeal of it! The night owls, insomniacs, and those wanting to add 'time traveler' to their resumes, may revel in the glory of red-eye flights’ unique offerings. Yet, consider the sinister wink of the red-eye. A playful nudge towards the humane possibility of enjoying your flight curled up tightly in a pretzel-like state in economy class, revealing the hidden fact that comfort is a luxury – unless you are open-minded to be best buddies with your knees!

People often inquire about the best time to book. Pay heed, for it’s akin to asking for the exact moment to pour milk into your tea. It's intricate, complex, and highly subjective. Yet if pushed, I'd respond: when the airline holds a yard sale. Ah, the imagery of airlines hanging up their unwanted flights on clothing lines, slashing prices and calling out flight deals, and you picking up last-minute flights like your favourite thrifted vinyl records!

We haven't even acknowledged the frequent flyers – knighted explorers of the air, syphoning the life force of in-flight services, chalking up the so-called 'mileage programs'. You'll see them swamped in a paperback novel, or savouring that delectably tiny in-flight microwavable pasta. And yes, should they choose, punching in significant digits to magic up an upgrade to first-class, because why not?

Perhaps you are ready for this trip, armed with our sarcasm-doused guidance, you may even be enthusiastic. A word of advice, though, get that baggage allowance in check, as the airlines have an amusing tendency to imagine their overhead compartments as shoeboxes. But do remember, the real journey begins after wading through the airline's labyrinthine flight cancellation policy. It's the bat-cave of law jargon, a Pandora's box of sub-clauses which might lead you to question every decision you've ever made.

But once you've had a hearty laugh at the bewilderment, smoothed out your boarding pass, and steeled yourself against flailing toddlers and chatty neighbours, you'll find what's truly phenomenal about flight – the world simply falls away. The airline reviews? They remain on the earth below. Dear traveller, your adventure awaits—heels up!