Fly American from Newark to Denver

Oh boy, isn't flying just the epitome of glamour? And what could be more appealing than hopping aboard an American Airlines flight departing from the culinary and cultural epicenter of the universe, Newark, New Jersey, and heading for Denver?

Before you embark on this grand adventure, revel in the fact that with a sprinkling of good fortune and a dash of divine intervention, you might just secure yourself some valuable flight deals. Marvel as the rock-bottom airfare transforms your humdrum journey into a golden chariot ride through the skies. Suspend your disbelief the way America Airlines suspends its economy class passengers somewhere between comfort and utter despair.

Now we all await those glorious direct flights—the ones that offer us the rare and highly sought after privilege of confinement in a pressurized metal tube for hours without end. Ah, uninterrupted progress from A to B, and all the exquisiteness that comes with it- cramped leg room, dodgy in-flight services, and perhaps an exclusive screening of Sharknado 3. Yes, truly the experience of a lifetime.

Then there's the tantalizing possibility of opting for one-way misery or treating yourself to the indulgence of round-trip torment. Flip a coin, throw a dart on a map, or allow the spirit of Nietzsche guide you because the choice is as inconsequential as the difference between Pepsi and Coke.

If you play your cards right, or maybe utterly wrong, you might find yourself part of the illustrious frequent flyer club. Rewards include a smug sense of elitism, an exclusive plastic card, and a guilt-propelled compulsion to justify every ounce of carbon footprint you're stomping onto the earth. Not forgetting the regular opportunities to immerse yourself in the delightful guessing game of the flight schedule. Oh, what fun it is to ponder on the intricate art of airplane logistics and international timezones!

And who could forget about the airline reviews where every disgruntled passenger metamorphoses into a Pulitzer-prize worthy critic. Delight in the intellectually stimulating discourses tackling important questions like: "why is my seat as hard as a rock?" and the classic "why isn't there a Michelin star chef on board serving me my complimentary peanuts?"

If lady luck decides to abandon ship (or shall I say, plane), you might get a special chance to engage with the American Airlines flight cancellation policy. Be assured, it's as clear as mud and just as easy to navigate. And because jet-lag and a monumental waste of time wasn’t enough, throw in a few sleepless nights working out if you’re entitled to a refund, a voucher for future misery, or a heartfelt apology penned by an underpaid intern.

If this delightful description has not already fast-tracked your heartbeat towards cardiac arrest, then take a moment to appreciate the glorious baggage allowance policy. A fascinating world where weights and measures mesh with sorcery and quantum physics to create a realm where your carefully packed 18 kg suitcase balloons into a 23 kg monstrosity the minute it approaches the conveyor belt.

Take heart, brave traveler. All this might cast shadows of doubt on your adventurous spirit. You may even contemplate if submerging yourself in a vat of molasses would be more pleasant. I assure you, the joy awaiting at the end of the resilient turbulence and a middle seat next to a snoring co-passenger, surely, will be worth the trials and tribulations of your American Airlines odyssey.

After all, they say, what doesn't break your spirit, or your back, only gets you from Newark to Denver. Isn't that the dream?