Fly American from Newark to Traverse City

There's nothing quite like departing the smoggy air of Newark, New Jersey for the rolling hills and cherry tree-lined streets of Traverse City. Heaven on earth, they call it. Or as close as you can get when your idea of heaven involves two airports, an economy-class ticket, and worrying about baggage allowance. Life on the edge; that's what flying American is all about.

For your convenience, let's start with booking. Oh, the joy of scrolling through countless "cheap flights" and "flight deals" websites. Hidden among the labyrinth of web pages, that elusive, perfect flight waits. One that's reasonably priced, in a suitable time slot, and for the love of all things holy, non-stop! I mean, who doesn't love a 3-hour layover in Pittsburgh at 2 AM, but I digress. This is your narrative, not mine.

So, you zero in on the 'best time to book' as advised by some millennial 'travel guru' with a youtube channel. You trust his every word - after all, if a man with such impeccable taste in Hawaiian shirts can't be trusted, who can?

You find a reasonable round-trip deal, or 'airfare' as they like to call it in the highbrow circles of frequent flyers. Speaking of which, remember to check whether your mileage program points are valid on your flight because even to an intermediate flyer, earning miles feels like hitting the jackpot. Only less exciting and never as rewarding.

Having successfully navigated through the booking process, you begin the wait. Ah, the anticipation! The thrill of a pending journey. Who needs adventure novels when you have a flight schedule? You're stepping foot in the airport at 5 am for your red-eye flight, which, let's face it, is a rite of passage for every seasoned traveler. You're now one of us: The Brotherhood of Bleary-eyed nomads.

Then comes the day of your flight. Naturally, you packed your bags according to the luggage allowance, only to panic at the last minute because surely they won't allow that extra pair of socks! Alas, another thrilling chapter in the illustrious tale of air travel.

Upon reaching Newark, you heave a sigh of relief. "This is it," you think, "I'm finally on my way." Your hand on the pulsating heart of adventure firmly encased in the airport terminal's cold, industrial décor. Irony seems to be the theme. Irony and overpriced snacks.

Once onboard, battle lines are drawn. No one ever mentions the elbow fight for the armrest, the starving till you get your food, and the dire urge to visit the washroom when the aisle guy dozes off. Imagine a contest of endurance! Picture, if you will, a game of limbs and patience. Do you think Odysseus had it tough? Try a direct flight, with children, across multiple time zones.

Next stop, Traverse City. You're on solid ground now, bombarded by the smell of cherries and the sight of greenery. Ah, here's another irony - you come face to face with what you'd always hoped air travel could be: fresh and crisp. No pun intended!

Finally, remember to leave a glowing review on the airline's site. Emphasize the excellent in-flight services. They especially love it when you mention how stiff the seats were and how the meals were precisely 5 minutes late. Be the critic they never knew they needed.

In conclusion, dear traveller, on this narrative journey from Newark to Traverse City, embrace the absurdity that is air travel. Because, as you'll soon discover, while our destinations draw us, it's the journey that, in the end, truly entertains.