Fly American from Orange County to Key West

So, you're planning to take to the skies with American from Orange County to Key West, Florida? How very brave (and possibly foolhardy) of you. Not to scare you off, but let's delve into the thrilling world of flights, layovers and whatever else the airline industry loves to throw at unsuspecting travellers.

Given the miniscule geographical distance you're covering, one would expect, logically, a quick, non-stop, 9-hour journey or so. Ah, but remember, airline logic isn’t quite the same as, say, elegant academic theory. This supposedly simple Californian stroll in the sky often involves an exquisitely complicated set of connecting flights. This means, my traveling friend, that you can go pick up an entire college degree during the lengthy layovers. One might dare to dream of direct flights, but dreams, alas, are not typically the stuff of air travel within the United States.

Not to be downcast though, as there are plenty of options at the flight buffet for you to choose from, varying in flight duration. One-way, round-trip, last-minute flights, they have it all! If none of those tickle your fancy, they additionally offer that magical red-eye flight, for those who hate sleep as much as their social life. Glorify this further by its palatable 'cheap flights' tag, and you're dictated by the total antithesis of luxury, yet beholden to the allure of saved pennies.

Unsurprisingly, the business class and first-class fares are enough to cause a mild cardiac event. So do tuck your platinum credit cards away and settle for what us mere mortals call the economy class. Oh, it’s a delightful space where the food tastes like seasoned rubber and a 6-foot tall man is expertly crammed into a 2-foot space, feeling all the joys of being a canned sardine. But fear not, the premium economy is there to save the day, a delightful middle ground that lies somewhere between a limousine and a used bicycle.

Let's not forget the baggage allowance portion of our friendly flyer's journey. On one hand, you have the generous allowance provided by the airline, calculated with a complex algorithm combining einsteinian physics, ancient Egyptian fractions and an ample dose of dark humour. On the other hand, there's the basic human need for clothes at your destination, unless going au naturel at Key West is part of your plan.

I must also briefly mention the in-flight services. Or rather, the mythical phrase that's whispered on forums and in traveler's reviews. Perhaps the elusive elixir exists for the blessed individuals who are part of that ethereal mileage program or are frequent flyers of obscurity. For the rest of us mortals, it’s limited to a solemn nod from the stern-faced flight attendant.

So there you have it, a complete and utterly sarcastic guide to your flight plan from Orange County to Key West on our dear American. I must commend you once more on this admirable journey you're about to embark on. Do let us know if you ever discover what the term 'flight deals' means. Good luck, traveller!